New Patriotic 1776 Commission Struggling To Find Ways To Improve Upon Education System’s Existing Propaganda

WASHINGTON—Frantically scouring textbooks to find sections in need of revision, members of President Donald Trump’s new patriotic 1776 Commission struggled Wednesday to find ways to improve upon the education system’s existing propaganda. 

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At press time, the 1776 Commission was editing a section on Abraham Lincoln to clarify that “he had a gun on him” at the time of his assassination.